Real Life MAHI

Mahi, (character played by Nimisha LAmba in Bachna E Hasino). Mahi, i can relate myself with her. No No i was not waitig for any RAJ. What she believed is GOD never create problem for her. Whatever problem comes, all are sorted out smoothly.

Just like her, i used to believe GOD have favoured me by giving good people in mylife. But that was not true.  In my college, i was the most favourite for all. I was a doll for my friends. I thought i will always get lovely poeple in mylife.

I forgot one thig when u get lots of good things in your life by default u get few bad things also. The same thing happened to me, achhai ka mukhauta pehen ke, bhesh badal ke kuch log achhe logon ke sath hamare pas aa jate hain. And we should be careful that time, to throw out those poeple from our life. 

I couldn't be suscipecious to my frineds. For me friends is my strength and why should i suspect them unless they hurt me. So GOD think to teach me a lesson.

He became and friend and i got  influenced with his temporary behaviour. In these three years he continued to say, he loves me. I didn't have any reasin not to belive him. Till the things end i couldn't put a question mark on him.

That event changed me, now I have no faith on marriage, love relationship. I know poeple are not same every where. But......

SEVEN mistakes of my LIFE when I was in  'LOVE'

1. Your parents told not to believe you, i didn't believe

2. My parents said do not go for you, i didn't listen

3. Your friend warned me, i didn't accept the truth

4. My friends cautioned me, i didn't care

Then......

5. You stopped calling, i thought you might be bzy

6. You started ignoring, i tghought you might be tensed

7. You hurted me many ways, i thought you might be disturbed

I continued to LOVE you, but one day you told the truth and I had to believe.....

This time when i was coming back to my workplace. I was not feeling very good, but i had to come. In my childhood I loved jungles, mountains, strams and rains too. As I grow up I started liking for killas (forts) do't know why? So when there was an offer from Jaipur,it was impossible to stop me. Jaipur the pink city, from where i started my professional career.

When ever I visited any fort I felt, these murti, dancers, they tried to say something. Dhire dhire mujhe laga ye city rehne layak hai, and this time I got my first love here. But that love didn't continue for long.

To yahan ke shopping malls, restaurents me anjane me kuch chhap chood ke age chalne lagi thi. Aaj wohi sab kabhi kabhi mil jate hain. Lagta hai waqt jaise  wohin pe ruk gaya ho.Kyoon 'atit hamara picha nahi chhod ti' . Yadon ko mitana kyoon etna muskil hai?

I am very new to this social blogging section. I only know how to post my blog and learnt few things by doing some hit and trial. But don't know how to communicate with my 3 friends in this blog. Hope few freonds will come front to teach me.

Alone

I was alone in my journey

Enjoying the silence

The sound of dry leaves

Suddenly I found,

I were followed by somebody

I got frightened

Even couldn’t look back

My heartbeat went fast

I holded up myself

Turned my eyes

But it was as before

Me took long steps…

Stopped and looked up

Oh.. oh.. oh…

That was a full moon day,

Moon was behind me.

And

My shadow was following me.

Epshi......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My Childhood

Tried to make paper boat

I couldn’t,

When it was raining.

I wished to wet with my doggy,

Couldn’t.

On the other extreme

My little living doll (daughter)

Was preparing boats, enjoying,

Came my maa, kissed her

So innocent, pure;

I realised , me not a kid .

Rains through to darkness

I searched for my maa’s lap

Oh, no !

My son was there

They were busy in stories,

I felt alone.

Why ! Why so !

My childhood a far cry.

On an arm chair

Tried to look back

To those bye gone days

Through the rains-

Still pouring in …[ end ]

 

Epshi

What a blog is?

On the way to my flat which hardly takes 3 minutes from my office a stupid question come to my mind. Why i read this blogs in rediff? I don't know about others but for me I just expressed what is in my mind and it goes to the space. There is a story or movie where a child write letters to 'GOD'. i feel the same while writing blogs. It's me nobody knows the truth and those who goes thorugh they don't know me.

For me writing blog means putting my complaints in the complain regsiter.

I read blogs regularly, few blogs are really good and they really touched me.  Vaidehi, Shivaja, think tank, manisha really writes well. And sometimes i think as they have written my feelings.

It is a long time i have not posted anything. Really wanted to vantilate myself but due to some or other reasons I couldn't do it. The fact is that i used to read blogs but not wished to share my pain over here.

Few days back one of my friend told "do you know ..... got married" I behaved really normal, as I had nothing with him. I was the only one who responded to all the query.

That evening i had a long conversation with 'GOD', kept all my arguments, and he was speechless. May be it was my small town sensibilities where i considered LOVE as marriage. 

Kya rishte koi manie nahi rakhte, kya sirf shadi hi esh rishte ko bandh ke rakh sakta tha?  Shayad nahi, shayad shadi majboori ho jati. Aur shayad me jindegi bhar  unwanted ho ke, ush ki jindegi me rah jati. I have enough reasons to console myself but the truth is something diffrent.

Aaj bhi ankhon me utne hi ansu hai, jitne ush rat ko the. Dil me ek dars aaj bhi hoti hai. Chahte ye na chate hue bhi, dil ke kisi kone se yadein dard de jati hai. I know life will be horrible, and i have to forget him ek bure sapne ki tarah.

BADAL TE RISHTE

Mujhe shayad aheshas bhi nahi hua tha ki woh kab mere zindegi me aa gaya. Par jab woh mere se dur ja raha tha muje ush ka aheshas tha. Behavioural science ka student tha esh liye shayad ush ko ye bhi pata tha ki me esh shadme se kin kin phase se gujrungi. shayad ush ko mere dard ki gehrai ka pata nahi tha. Mere liye jo pyar tha, woh ush ke liye galtiyan. Maine shayd rishte se pyar kia tha, aur ush ne shayad ek enshan se. Ush ko to ek pura rashta taye karna tha, pyar tak pahunch ne ka, aur maine to apni safar wohin se shuru ki thi.

Bbar bar dil ko samjha ti hun ki nahi duniya me abhi bhi achhe log hai, aur duniya un hi achhe logon ki wajah se sundar bhi hai. Ush ko me bhul ne ki koshis bhi kar rahi thi aur sath sath ush ke ane ka entezar.

Ush ne ye rishta tab toda tha jab me soch rahi thi shayad ye rishta stable ho gaya hai. Aaj bhi samajh me nahi ata piche rahe woh kuch batein kya jhoot the? aur mujhe pata hi nahi chala. Etne shal tak woh mere sath hone ka natak karta raha aur me ush ko sach man rahi thi. Aan ginat niyam the ush ke pyar me, niyomo ke sath jindegi ji sath sakti shayd pyar nahi. Thak chuki thi me apne aap se bat kar ke, aab to dar me lagi thi apne aap se. Jindesi ke esh mod pe aa ne aap ko etna kamjor pake khud pe ro rahi thi me.

Aaj ke liye bas etna hi....

                        Ek akeli me

Ush din bhi akash me tare utne hi thi

Chandrama utni sundar

Apni shital snigdh chhaya bikhrati

Aur rat utni hi gehri khamosh.

Prashna  pe prashna kiye gaye

                    Prashno ke chakrabuya me, ek akeli me                    

                    Kintu niruttar me

                   Ankhein meri sunyata ki taraf.

Pooja prathana rachana

                    Achanak tham si gaye

                    Samay jaise ruk sa gaya

                    Khawab sare khamosh ho gaye.

Prashno ke chakrabuya me, ek akeli me

Ankhein meri sunyata ki taraf.

Sachai etni kadwi thi ki ush ke sath jhut ki shehad mila ke pi gayee. Ush jhut ne aur thodi der thodi si hansi di aur thode kam ansu bahaye. Par sach ko ek din accept kar na hi tha, nahi to jhut ek bimari ban jati mere liye.

Sach me agar kisi ne pyar ko andha kaha to bahut hi sahi kaha hai. Sahi aur galat soch ne ka mauka hi nahi milta, agar etna hisab karte to shayad woh pyar nahi hota.